Reflecting on Our Relationships

REFLECTING ON OUR RELATIONSHIPS

Three Lessons from Luke 6:27-38

By Pastor Brian Wilbur

Date: December 1, 2024

Series: Communion Sunday Messages about Relationships

Note: Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard   Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

INTRODUCTION

On this first Sunday in the month of December, I am attempting to turn over a new leaf, at least in terms of what we do on Communion Sundays over the next year.

Over the past several weeks, I have been teaching through the Sermon on the Plain (Luke 6:20-49) in Monday School. The building blocks of wisdom that Jesus sets forth in this sermon have remarkable depth, and we could profitably spend many hours unpacking and applying these simple lessons. These lessons are simple at the level of our understanding, but profound and difficult at the level of our obedience. One of the lessons that we encountered a few weeks ago was so powerful, that I got to thinking that it would be good for us to hear a sermon on it once a month for the next year. Not that every sermon would be identical, but that these twelve sermons would work different angles of the same topic.

As I was pondering this prospect, I realized that it would be fitting to preach these sermons in conjunction with Communion Sunday. One of the upsides of this new approach is to enrich our celebration of Communion. We would do well to make our celebration of Communion less efficient, and more effective at connecting ourselves to the meaning and purpose of the Supper. And of course, the meaning and purpose of the Supper cannot be reduced down to a private individualistic matter, but must be understood as a community meal in which we show regard for our brothers and sisters as we gather around the Lord’s Table.

So, the plan going forward is to devote the first sermon of the month to thinking very practically about our relationships with each other and how our relationships with each other affect our relationship with God, and also thinking very practically about our relationship with God and how our relationship with God affects our relationships with other people. I intend for these messages to be shorter than my usual sermon, to allow time for a few responses to the message, and for all of it to be situated as part of our celebration of Communion.

In this first installment, I will be sharing with you some simple yet profound relationship principles from the Sermon on the Plain and from other passages as well.

THE FIRST RULE: THE GOLDEN RULE

We begin with the well-known Golden Rule: “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” (Luke 6:31) Over in Matthew 7, Jesus tells us that the Golden Rule is one key to the entire Old Testament: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12) Simply put: Do unto others as you would have them to do you. Do you live this way? As you face many different situations in life, do you take time to consider how you would like to be treated in those situations? And then, once you have identified how you would like other people to treat you, do you proceed to treat people that way?

Other people’s conduct shouldn’t determine our conduct

The Golden Rule stands in sharp contrast to the ‘tit for tat’, ‘blow for blow’, ‘turnabout is fair play’ way of relating to other people. The world, the flesh, and the devil often say to us: Treat others as they treat you. Do unto others as they have done to you. Get back. Get even. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Children will say things like, ‘I hit him because he first hit me. I was only hitting back.’ Adults are often just big kids doing the same things that kids do, if not physically then verbally.

The context of the Golden Rule makes it crystal clear that other people’s conduct is not supposed to determine our conduct. Let’s go back to Luke 6:27 – 

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one you strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.” (Luke 6:27-30)

“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” (Luke 6:31)

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you. For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend” (Luke 6:32-35a).

Now instructions like this might raise all kinds of questions in your mind about how to apply them in specific situations. But for our purposes right now, I simply want you to see that other people’s conduct is not supposed to be the factor that determines our conduct. The perennial temptation is to face your enemy who hates you, curses you, abuses you, strikes you, steals from you, and pressures you, and to let their poor treatment of you provoke you to repay them with poor treatment. But Scripture says: “See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.” (1 Thessalonians 5:15).

Two qualifying statements

There are a couple of qualifying statements that I want to say regarding this instruction. God forbid, but if you yourself are an evildoer, a hater, a curser, an abuser, or a thief, don’t use this passage as leverage over the person that you are hurting. You have no right to take Jesus’ holy instruction upon your unclean lips. You need to repent for the evil that you are doing. For an evildoer to feel entitled to benevolent responses from the person that he or she is hurting, is itself evil.

However, the Lord Jesus, who endured the most intense form of suffering, says to His people: don’t let the evildoer, the hater, the curser, the abuser, the persecutor, or the thief dictate your actions. Instead, let Jesus’ ethic of mercy and kindness shape your heart, your conduct, and your speech.

The other qualifying statement that I want to say is that when you meditate deeply on Jesus’ instruction to do good to those who hate you, you will eventually start thinking about how to rescue the hater from his or her hatred. If you are in your right mind, then you will wish that others would seek to rescue you from your sin. I don’t want you to just smile at me and give me a box of chocolates while I’m in the process of making a shipwreck of my faith. Do good to me; awaken me to the danger; rescue me from my sin.

But even with those qualifications, the main point of Jesus’ instruction is clear. Don’t limit your love, your practical care, and your generosity to the people that like you, love you, do good to you, and support you. Instead, get a clear view of all the people who don’t like you, don’t love you, don’t do good to you, don’t do anything for you, and show them kindness. Love. Do Good. Bless. Pray. Lend. Be kind. Demonstrate mercy. Isn’t that how you want to be treated? And don’t you want to be treated this way even when you don’t deserve it? I do. If receiving love, kindness, blessing, prayer, and generosity was a matter of deserving it, I’d be in real trouble. I want to be treated far better than I deserve.

A practical exercise

So let me encourage you to do a little exercise. Take five or ten minutes this week and write down how you would like others to treat you, and then use it to evaluate yourself. Take mine as an example – this is how I would like others to treat me:

I would like to be noticed, valued, and heard. I would like to be understood, not put in an artificial box. I would like to be asked questions, not to be bombarded with answers to questions that I haven’t thought about. I would like you to ask questions of me that would help you to understand me. I would like you to hear me out. I would like to be taken seriously as an image-bearer of God, but not be taken too seriously – for I am but mortal flesh. I would like to be given the benefit of the doubt. I would like you to assume the best about my motivations. I would like to be encouraged with words of appreciation – but please, no flattery. I would like to be on the receiving end of generous and creative gifts. I would like you to use your abilities to help me in my areas of weakness. I would like you to collaborate with me, not compete with me (unless we’re playing tennis or Settlers of Catan). I would like to be told the truth. I would like to be represented fairly and accurately whether I am present or absent. I would like to be put up with patiently and kindly. I would like to be forgiven. I would like to be given a break, a second chance, and a fresh start – many times over. I would like you to remember that I am frail creature of dust, and thus I would like to be shown compassion. I would like to be seen in the shadow of the cross, not on a pedestal or on a stage. I would like to be prayed for, not complained about. I would like to be invited over to people’s houses and made to feel at home there.

If you can honestly write down how you wish others would treat you, then you know how Jesus wants you to treat others. The only exception to this is if I want you to treat me in a way that is unbiblical. If I were to say, ‘I want you to make it easy for me to sin’, then that fails the biblical standard test. But as long as you are operating within biblical guidelines, then the way in which you would like other people to treat you is a reliable and essential guide for how you yourself should treat other people. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

THE SECOND RULE: THE PROMISE OF POETIC JUSTICE

Now to the second rule, which is also contained in the Sermon on the Plain. The second rule is the promise of poetic justice: God will treat you in the same way that you treat others. The promise of poetic justice cuts two ways: God will be generous toward you if you are generous toward others, but God will be harsh toward you if you are harsh toward others. Look at Luke 6:37-38 – 

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” (Luke 6:37-38)

In a similar vein, Jesus said:

“For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged” (Matthew 7:2a).

And with respect to forgiveness and unforgiveness, Jesus said:

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

God sees to it that He treats us in the same way that we treat others. We need to really let this sink in. There are too many churchgoers out there who superficially think that God will always be kind to you and always forgive you and always support you, even if you go out and treat others selfishly and unkindly. But that is not true: God will play hardball with you, if you insist on playing hardball with others. But God will be largehearted and openhanded toward you, if you are largehearted and openhanded toward others.

The promise of poetic justice is seen throughout the Scriptures

This principle is seen throughout the Scriptures. This principle is valid for how God treats us in this present life, and it is also valid for how God will treat us at the final judgment. The promise of poetic justice is stated with utter clarity in the Book of Obadiah: “For the day of the LORD is near upon all the nations. As you have done, it shall be done to you; your deeds shall return on your own head.” (Obadiah 15)

In the Book of Genesis: Laban tricks Jacob into marrying Leah (under the assumption that she was Rachel), seven years after Jacob tricked his father into blessing him (under the assumption that he was Esau). “As you have done, it shall be done to you.”

In the Book of Proverbs: the wicked men who lie in wait for the blood of others and who “ambush the innocent without reason” are actually “[lying] in wait for their own blood” and are “[setting] an ambush for their own lives” (Proverbs 1:11, 18). “Your deeds shall return on your own head.”

In the Book of Esther: Haman is enraged at Mordecai and sets up a gallows on which to hang him, but God sees to it that the king gets enraged at Haman and orders Haman to be executed on the gallows that he himself had set up for Mordecai (see Esther 5:9-7:10). You reap what you sow (see Galatians 6:7-8).

In the Book of Lamentations: “You will repay them, O LORD, according to the work of their hands.” (Lamentations 3:64)

In the account of the Rich Man and Lazarus: in this present life, the rich man refused to show mercy to the poor beggar named Lazarus; in the final judgment, God refuses to show mercy to the rich man (see Luke 16:19-31). Those who mercilessly cut off others, will themselves be mercilessly cut off.

In the Book of 1 Peter: God doesn’t pay loving attention to men who don’t pay loving attention to their wives (see 1 Peter 3:7). The general concept is: if you don’t know how to slow down and actually listen to the people in your life, don’t expect God to listen to you. And why? Because God isn’t interested in throwing His support behind your selfishness.

On the other hand, God pours out an abundance of provision upon those who pour themselves out for the well-being of others (see Isaiah 58:10-11). God blesses the work of those who lend generously to others (see Deuteronomy 15:7-11). In the Psalms: “With the merciful you show yourself merciful” (Psalms 18:25). From the wisdom of Proverbs:

“One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered. The people curse him who holds back grain, but a blessing is on the head of him who sells it.” (Proverbs 11:24-26)

Addressing two objections to the reality of poetic justice

Some of us may be disinclined to this teaching about poetic justice because we have seen it misused by the peddlers of health, wealth, and prosperity religion. I’m not promising anyone any particular degree of health, wealth, and prosperity. I’m simply saying what the Bible says: the personal God of heaven has declared over and over again that He will relate to you in a way that corresponds to how you relate to others. God-talk is cheap when it is not accompanied by neighbor-love. After all, the greatest commandment (to love the Lord your God with all your heart) and the second most important commandment (to love your neighbor as yourself) are so closely connected in Scripture and in the mind of our Lord, that to disobey one is to disobey both.

Some of us may also be disinclined to this teaching about poetic justice because we are trapped in narrow legalistic thinking that goes something like this: everything good that happens to me must be the result of some prior good that I have done, or everything bad that happens to me must be the result of some prior evil that I have done. When people give in to this narrow legalistic thinking, they are taking a true biblical principle and turning it into a comprehensive mechanistic impersonal force that explains every event in the universe. But this mechanistic approach is not right. The Bible is clear that there are many occasions when the righteous suffer hardship, not because they are being chastised for past misdeeds, but as part of their walk with God in this sinful world. Sometimes people sin against us, not because of our prior sins, but simply because they are sinners and we were in their path. The Book of Job illustrates that the meaning of our lives cannot be boiled down to mechanistic automatic cause and effect. Who knows what God is doing behind the scenes?

But if we can disentangle ourselves from the legalistic and mechanistic mindset, then we might be ready to receive some real wisdom. The fact of the matter is, that our personal and sovereign heavenly Father oversees our life in such a way that we cannot expect to be recipients of His generosity if we are critical, cold-shouldered, and tight-fisted in the way that we treat other people. Our heavenly Father will not cause the streams of His mercy to gush forth in a bitter, unforgiving, and self-absorbed people. In terms of the big picture, the big movements and trajectories of our life, God treats us the same way that we treat others. And ironically, this itself is an act of love: He never wants us to think that we can enjoy the privilege of fellowship with Him while we act and feel indifferently to the people around us – people who are made in the image of God. If we would live honorably before God, then we must conduct ourselves honorably toward the people who bear His image.

Applying the instruction about poetic justice

Hear these words again:

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

Some of you should be encouraged by this instruction. You are exhibiting mercy, generosity, patience, and kindness toward the people around you, and your experience of God’s grace to you is continually growing. You are living in the sweet spot of God’s will: you are growing in your experience of God’s love as you share His love with others. Press on! God will keep filling your cup as you gladly pour yourself out in service to others.

At the same time, some of you should be sober-minded by this instruction. Some of you are experiencing deep frustration in your life. God seems distant. His love seems faint. You’re spiritually dried up. God isn’t making your paths straight. There is an angst in your heart that you cannot shake. The resources of heaven remain shut up and out of reach. Your relationship with God is suffering. Now, of course, there is more than one possible explanation for going through this kind of spiritual wilderness. But this morning I’m bringing to your attention one possible explanation: God may be deliberately frustrating you because that is the very thing you are doing to the people around you, to your spouse, to your child, to your sibling, to your fellow Christian. You have chosen to lock another human being outside the sphere of your love and kindness. You thought that “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, [and] pray for those who abuse you” had an exception clause. It doesn’t. And the person you are refusing to love probably isn’t an actual enemy anyway, but is instead a family member, friend, or fellow churchgoer. And now, since you have locked another human being outside the sphere of your love, God has kept His promise and He has locked you outside the sphere of His love. It’s not fun, is it? God is playing hardball with you. And yet, God is doing this to get your attention, to awaken you to your disease, to call you back to the riches of His grace. God is knocking on the door of your heart, and He is saying: go and give to that person who doesn’t deserve it; go and forgive that person who has wronged you; go and serve the person who can’t do anything for you. God is saying, ‘Trust Me: Go and give and forgive and serve, and I will meet you there with an abundance of grace. “For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”’ And in the very act of giving and forgiving and serving and welcoming and showing patience, your own heart is being enlarged in its capacity to experience the never-ending, infinite, immeasurable, and sacrificial love of God. All of this reminds me of words from the wonderful hymn “Trust and Obey”:

“But we never can prove the delights of His love until all on the altar we lay; for the favor He shows, and the joy He bestows, are for them who will trust and obey. Trust and obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.”

Is God knocking on the door of your heart? Do you sense that there is a block in your relationship with God right now? It is very possible that the reason for the block is that you have a block in your relationship with another human being. And the question is: what are you going to do about it?

As you do unto others, so God shall do unto you.

THE THIRD RULE: THE GOSPEL RULE

Now I hasten to the third and final rule. This third and final rule is essential to rightly understanding and applying the first two rules. You cannot faithfully follow the first two rules until you have been confronted and transformed by the third rule. The third rule is the gospel rule: God commands you to treat others as He has treated you in the gospel of Jesus Christ. In the gospel of Jesus Christ, God doesn’t treat you as you yourself have treated others, but He treats you far better than you deserve. In the gospel of Jesus Christ, “[God] does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.” (Psalm 103:10)

We can’t break free from our lovelessness, our unforgiveness, our selfishness, and our critical spirits on our own. Our efforts to be gracious to others doesn’t earn us grace from God. It doesn’t work like that. We have to discover that God bestows His grace freely upon sinners like us who don’t deserve it. This grace and mercy of God is highlighted in Luke 6:35-36 – 

“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” (Luke 6:35-36)

God is merciful. God demonstrates kindness to ungrateful, evil, entitled, and self-absorbed people. God does this in a general sort of way to all people, by causing the sun to rise and the rain to fall and the plants to grow, and by granting a thousand practical blessings.

But the height and depth and length and width of God’s love is only evident in the gospel of His Son. Jesus embodied the very counsel that He gave to us in Luke 6:27-30. The gracious Messiah loved His enemies. The Righteous One offered Himself as an atoning sacrifice for unrighteous ones. “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” (Romans 5:6) “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) “[While] we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son” (Romans 5:10).

The promise of the gospel is that weak sinners and ungodly enemies of God will receive the forgiveness of sins and adoption into God’s forever family if they lay down the arms of their rebellion and trust in the crucified and risen Lord Jesus. Furthermore, the promise of the gospel is that if you truly receive it, it will change you – the gospel will change you, the Lord will transform you, the Holy Spirit will empower you, the Scriptures will renew you. And Jesus directs us to live by the gospel rule. He says in John 13: “just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34-35). Likewise in Ephesians 4: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) And likewise in Romans 12: It is we who are being transformed “by the mercies of God” (Romans 12:1) who are instructed to love one another (Romans 12:10), bless those who persecute us (Romans 12:14), repay no one evil for evil (Romans 12:17), and give food and drink to our enemies when they are hungry and thirsty (Romans 12:20).

This gospel must transform you into the kind of person who is increasingly compelled to treat others in the same way that God has treated you.

The gospel rule transposes the golden rule

The Gospel Rule transposes the Golden Rule into the highest possible key: I want others to treat me as God has treated them in the gospel. And so, that is how I will strive to treat others – I will strive to treat others as God has treated me in the gospel.

The gospel rule turns the promise of poetic justice into a testing ground

Finally, the Gospel Rule turns the Promise of Poetic Justice into a testing ground as to whether or not we have been transformed by the Gospel. How do I know if I am being transformed by the Gospel? It will become evident in the way I treat the people around me: not critical, not mean-spirited, but gracious, forgiving, and generous. And as I do that, God will supply increasing measures of grace to my heart and life, and my assurance of salvation and my confidence in God’s love will grow. Do you see? But if I fall into fleshly tendencies and treat others poorly, God will discipline me, God will withdraw some of His fatherly kindnesses, God will play hardball with me in order to humble me and renew me in the gospel. God has connected my growth in spiritual maturity and my experience of His love to the way that I treat other people, and this connection is inescapable.

Of course, if anyone goes on in a spirit of bitterness and unforgiveness and unkindness year after year after year, that person’s soul is in grave danger, for they are demonstrating that the gospel has no operational power in their everyday life. Does the gospel have operational, transforming power in your life. The person in whom the gospel is not powerfully effective needs to come humbly to the cross and be born again.

Let the Holy Spirit search your heart

Brothers and sisters and friends, let the Holy Spirit search your heart, let the Holy Spirit show you how it goes with your soul, let the Holy Spirit show you the significance of how you treat other people, let the Holy Spirit burn away the dross, let the Holy Spirit renew you in the way of gospel love.