Deep Loving Connections Are Key to Our Spiritual Growth

DEEP LOVING CONNECTIONS ARE KEY TO SPIRITUAL GROWTH

The role of relationships in our progress toward maturity

By Pastor Brian Wilbur

Date: May 17, 2026

Series: The Basics of the Christian Faith

Note: Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

INTRODUCTION

Healthy connections with one another are key to our spiritual growth. If our congregation is thick with love for one another, then our spiritual growth potential is virtually unlimited. When it comes to the things of God, the sky is the limit for people who are bound together in love.

This phrase ‘sky is the limit’ reminds me of what the Bible says about God’s love. God in His great love has made available an abundance of nourishment for us. Listen to the words of David in one of the psalms:

“Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mountains of God, your judgments are like the great deep; man and beast you save, LORD. How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light. Oh, continue your steadfast love to those who know you, and your righteousness to the upright of heart!” (Psalm 36:5-10)

Once we have come to taste and see that the Lord is good, through the grace that is in Christ Jesus, we have access to the abundance of God’s house, we have access to the river of His delights. Heavenly manna and living water are in plenteous supply for all who dwell in the house of God.

And yet, to the point of today’s sermon, accessing and enjoying this spiritual abundance is not a merely individual activity, but must be something that we pursue together in harmony with one another.

There is a view of the Christian life in which other people are optional to the spiritual growth process. In this view, what really matters is my individual relationship with God, my individual prayer life, my individual Bible reading, my individual study, my individual doctrinal convictions, my individual character development, and my individual decisions. Of course, I don’t want to suggest that this individual dimension is unimportant. Your individual devotion to the Lord is important – and not only important, but essential. The blessed man of Psalm 1 is a man who meditates on God’s instruction day and night. Each and every one of us should be able to say, in the words of the hymn, “If no one joins me, still I will follow”.[1] Individually, each believer must be resolved to walk closely with the Lord, regardless of what anyone else is doing. Many a morning I rise early, brew coffee, and open my Bible – and I wouldn’t trade this for a vast fortune, for it is a vast fortune.

However, what I want us to reflect on is the truth that God’s will is for us to be deeply joined together, and that this deep joining together is key to our overall spiritual growth. In other words, our being joined together at a deep level is not luxury, is not icing on the cake, is not a nice little extra for those who have time; it is essential to our growth into spiritual maturity. In the end, we must recognize that a congregation’s spiritual flourishing without deep, loving connections is an utter illusion. Football teams without effective team chemistry do not win championships. Broadway shows without communication and synchronization among the cast do not bring down the house. A company of first responders without effective coordination of people and resources cannot deliver the help that is required. Likewise, a congregation without chemistry, communication, and coordination will not prosper spiritually.

THE FIRST SCRIPTURAL TEXT

That we might recognize how important the quality of our relationships is to our overall spiritual health, I would like us to show you five passages from Paul’s Letter to the Colossians. First, let me read Colossians 1:28–2:3, which says:

“Him [Christ] we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me. For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen my face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Colossians 1:28–2:3)

Paul and his colleague Timothy co-wrote this letter (Colossians 1:1) to the Colossians. Paul and Timothy proclaim Christ to those who believe in Christ, so that these faithful believers would grow in spiritual maturity. Their proclamation of Christ involves both “warning” and “teaching”: we need practical instruction about what it means to know and follow Christ, what it means to “walk in him [Christ]” (Colossians 2:6) in our everyday lives, what it means to put away the things that are inconsistent with Christ and to put on the things that are consistent with Christ. So Paul’s ministry is aimed at the spiritual growth of Christian disciples, and his conscious goal is to be able to “present everyone mature in Christ” when we appear before Christ at the end of the age. The goal, then, is that the saints be mature, perfect, complete.

Notice that Paul doesn’t pursue this goal in his own strength. Christ “powerfully works” His own energy, power, and strength in Paul, and therefore Paul labors and struggles with this divine energy that is operational within him. With Christ’s energy, Paul battles and fights for the edification and growth of the church.

Paul is a servant of the church! Paul calls himself a minister of the church in Colossians 1:24-25, and being a minister of the church means undertaking a great battle for the benefit of others, that God’s people together might reach their full potential.

Over in Galatians, Paul is beside himself because the Christians there are at risk of experiencing the miscarriage of their faith. So what does Paul say? “[My] little children, for whom I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you!” (Galatians 4:19)

Over in First Corinthians, Paul has to critique the believers for gathering together in sacred assembly without love. “But in the following instructions I do not commend you, because when you come together it is not for the better but for the worse.” (1 Corinthians 11:17) They came together to eat and drink the Lord’s Supper, and yet they were divided, selfish, and indulgent.

Paul is always laboring for God’s people who were spread all around in the Mediterranean world:

“I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Colossians 2:1-3)

Notice that phrase “being knit together in love”. In theory, Paul could have written this statement without that phrase. He could have said that labored in ministry so that “their hearts may be encouraged… to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding”. He could have written that way, but he didn’t. Why not? Apparently he wanted to communicate the vital truth that God’s intention is for us to attain spiritual maturity together, as a knit-together community of faithful believers.

Ponder the larger goal that Paul has in mind. The larger goal is for God’s people to know Christ better, to know Christ more deeply, to know Christ in such a way that our souls are satisfied, our minds are enriched, and our whole life is taken up into the beauty of Jesus Christ. Understanding, wisdom, and knowledge are embodied in the God-Man, Jesus Christ. In Him we have true riches and vast treasures. In Christ we have life and life to the full.

And God’s intent is for us to reach this goal together – to reach this goal as an interconnected community of believers. Look at that phrase again: “being knit together in love”. If we are going to reach our full potential in Christ, if we are going to know Christ better and flourish in the knowledge of God, then we must understand that God intends for us to pursue and experience these things together. Therefore, our being knit together as brothers and sisters, our experiencing loving unity with our fellow believers, is crucial to the process of growth.

When we came to know the Lord, we were incorporated into the body of believers: “For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body” (1 Corinthians 12:13). As the one body of Christ, we are meant to grow together into Christian maturity, we are meant “to reach all the riches of full assurance” together, we are meant to flourish together as God’s people.

So the first step is to understand this: if you want to reach the heights of knowing Christ and experiencing joyful communion with Him, then place a premium on forming deep loving relationships with your fellow believers. Loving one another is never a detour, but always the pathway to greater spiritual growth.

Now at this point you might have a question. You might say, ‘Okay, I can see that Paul places “being knit together in love” before the goal of knowing Christ better, so I can see that we are supposed to grow in Christ together. But what does this mean practically? How does our “being knit together in love” function practically in order to help us grow in God’s grace together? That’s a great question, and the subsequent passages will help us unpack that.

THE SECOND SCRIPTURAL TEXT

Let’s turn to the second passage – Colossians 2:16-19. Our focus is on verse 19, but let’s hear it in context. Having written in Colossians 2:8-15 that we have been forgiven, made alive, and raised up to spiritual life through Jesus and His death and resurrection, Paul now warns us not to get sidetracked by a thousand rules of religious devotion:

“Therefore let no one pass judgment on you in questions of food and drink, or with regard to a festival or new moon or a Sabbath. These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ. Let no one disqualify you, insisting on asceticism and worship of angels, going on in detail about visions, puffed up without reason by his sensuous mind, and not holding fast to the Head, from whom the whole body, nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God.” (Colossians 2:16-19)

There are many important practical questions that we must address when it comes to our spiritual life. Do we eat kosher, or not? Do we observe feast days and Sabbath days, or not? Do we set aside certain days for fasting, or not? There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer for individual Christians: how we answer these questions is less important than our heart attitudes, our motivations and reasons. But at the heart of our spiritual life must be devotion to Jesus and dependence upon Him: “holding fast to the Head”.

Notice that if Paul had simply warned the Colossians about “not holding fast to the Head” or not holding fast to Christ, that would have been easy enough to understand. But we need to understand that the church community is never far from Paul’s mind, and it never should be far from our minds, either. In Colossians 1:24 Paul said: “I am filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church”. In Colossians 1:3-4 Paul gives thanks for the faithful believers in Colossae not only because they have faith in Jesus but also because they have love for all of God’s people. In Colossians 1:15-20, when Paul spoke so beautifully about the supremacy of Jesus over all things, he told us that the Lord Jesus Christ “is the head of the body, the church” (Colossians 1:18). Now in Colossians 2:19 after Paul tells us to “[hold] fast to the Head”, he hastens to tell us how the body relates to the Head. So he says:

“… from whom [the Head] the whole body, nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God.” (Colossians 2:19)

If your view of the Christian life is that the individual Christian is only nourished through a direct line of ministry from Christ to the individual Christian, and that this is the whole story, your view would be incorrect. Don’t misunderstand me: the individual Christian does indeed have personal fellowship with the Lord, and this personal fellowship is essential. You yourself must “[hold] fast to the Head”, abide in the Vine, and follow Paul’s example and “[struggle] with all his energy that he powerfully works within [you].”

However, there are boatloads of ministry, truckloads of nourishment, and warehouses of treasure, that the Lord intends to feed into your life through your connectedness with other believers in the body of Christ. Do you see that here? Ponder the relationships in verse 19. Ultimately, God is the source of growth, right? It says, “… the whole body…. grows with a growth that is from God.” Our spiritual growth is from God. And this spiritual growth from God is mediated through the mediator, Jesus Christ, who is “the Head” of His body, the church. So the growth comes from God, through Christ, to us – but we can’t think individualistically here. The growth comes from God, through Christ the Head, to “the whole body”, to the whole interconnected body of believers. And the interconnectedness is crucial: the whole body is “nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments”. So the growth comes from God, through Christ, to the whole body, and the interconnectedness of the whole body ensures that each member of the body actively participates in and benefits from the growth. Do you see?

The whole body has many members. In 1 Corinthians 12 Paul refers to these members as ears and eyes and hands and feet. Here Paul refers to these members as those who are joined together – joints and ligaments, relational connecting points, points of communication, contact, and support. This whole body, comprised of many members, is “nourished and knit together”: connected to each other, and mutually supporting each other. Detached limbs are of no value to the body. Thank God for knee caps and shoulder cuffs. On one occasion I played the fool and gave the impression that losing a tooth wasn’t that big of a deal, and my Christian brother Tom rightly corrected me by explaining that losing a tooth is a big deal. Indeed, every part of the body is important! This is how the physical body works. And this is how the church community is supposed to work. There is no insignificant part of your physical body, and there is no insignificant part of the body of Christ. And so the picture of the church’s spiritual growth is: from God, through Christ, to the whole body, with each member of the body serving a vital role in connecting the body, supporting the body, and receiving support from the body.

Now we’re one step closer to answering the question I asked after reflecting on Colossians 2:2 – How does our “being knit together in love” function practically in order to help us grow in God’s grace together? Evidently, based on Colossians 2:19, our relationships with each other within the body serve a vital connecting role and mutual supporting role that helps us to experience the spiritual growth that comes from God.

THE THIRD SCRIPTURAL TEXT

This brings us to our third passage – Colossians 3:5-15. There is a lot here, but I only wish to call brief attention to a couple of things that should help us to understand why our relationships are so important to our spiritual well-being. After once again reminding the Colossians that they have died to the old life and that they have been raised up with Christ to a brand new life, Paul now tells them to practically live out their new life in Christ. He writes,

"Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:5-15)

Love is – the Greek text literally says – the bond of perfection. As the church community puts loving attitudes and loving actions into practice, the members of that community are built up and bound together as a community of love, as a community of peace. Love is the sphere in which we are being “knit together”, and in everyday practice we must embody and practice the love in which we are being knit together.

I especially want you to see one very simple thing in the instruction of verses 5-15. As we are being “knit together in love” (Colossians 2:2), we are to live with one another in a way that reflects the close-knit community that God is making us. All the sins of verses 5-9 undermine and harm the “knit together in love” community that we are supposed to be. In the sexual sins, evil desires, and greed of verse 5, we use people instead of serve people; instead of valuing people, we only value sensual pleasure and material gain. In the sins of verse 8, we hurt people through outbursts of anger and malicious words. In the sins of verse 9, we weaken relationships through lying, deceit, and hypocrisy. Of course, these sins are sins against God, but they are also sins against the body of Christ. When we commit these sins, we weaken the “joints and ligaments” of the body of Christ. We injure parts of our body. Connections fail, mutual supports fall to the ground, and effective communication fails to take place. We get disjointed. As a result, the fractured body limps along. The strained body suffers discouragement. People turn against each other. Remember Paul’s word of warning to the Galatians:

“But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another…. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” (Galatians 5:15, 26)

If the sins of Colossians 3:5-8 go on long enough and are not addressed, people will in fact turn on each other. Scapegoats will be found and thrown under the bus. Other people withdraw and tune out. And some look for an escape route, an off ramp, a way out. The body is stressed and paralyzed.

By way of stark contrast, think about what happens when we clothe ourselves with the attitudes and actions of verses 12-15. Keep in mind that Paul is calling the entire Christian community to clothe itself with relational grace toward each other. What happens when we walk in compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, love, and peace toward one another? When we do these things, we are being good stewards of the “knit together in love” community that we are supposed to be. When we do these things, we preserve and strengthen the “joints and ligaments” by which the whole body is “knit together”. Furthermore, when we do these things, we are helping one another live in the riches of God’s grace.

Don’t miss this: one of the significant ways that we experience the riches of Christ is by encountering the grace of Christ in His people. Our Lord Jesus Christ lived His entire life with compassion and kindness, in humility and meekness, showing patience and longsuffering, full of forbearance and forgiveness, marked by generous love and peacemaking. It is not enough for us to talk about these things. People can know a great detail about the way of Christ, and yet fail to live it. We must live it. We must reflect the grace of Christ to each other. And when we reflect the grace of Christ to each other, we pull each other closer to Christ. Do you see? And of course, keeping in mind Colossians 2:19, it really isn’t us pulling each other closer to Christ. That kind of growth comes from God, through Christ, to us. But the point is that the whole body is involved in this growth process, and when we walk in love and “let the peace of Christ rule in [our] hearts”, the Holy Spirit is working through us to build ourselves up in Christ.

Do you want others to grasp more of our Lord’s heart, more of our Lord’s kindness, more of our Lord’s mercy, more of our Lord’s generosity, more of our Lord’s longsuffering and patience? Then be a conduit of His love to those around you. Say with Paul, “For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:8) Say with Paul, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1) Do for others what Paul told Timothy to do: “set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” (1 Timothy 4:12) Show people the beauty of Jesus!

Never forget that right in the middle of Paul’s instruction about exercising our spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12-14, he wrote the love chapter and made it clear that without love, the exercise of spiritual gifts amounts to building a house in mid-air. It is a complete waste of time. Dare to believe that love is the bond of perfection – not love in the abstract, not flights of sentimental emotions, but love in practice. Showing practical love to each other is how we function as conduits of Christ’s love to those around us. Showing love to one another preserves and strengthens our relational connections in the body of Christ. Loving each other helps us reach Christian maturity.

THE FOURTH SCRIPTURAL TEXT

Now onto the fourth passage, which is only one verse. Colossians 3:16 says,

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” (Colossians 3:16)

One of the important ways that we serve and support one another as fellow believers is by speaking and singing “the word of Christ” to one another. Love is not limited to being gentle and kind in our interactions with one another. Remember, love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” (1 Corinthians 13:6) Our ministry to one another involves “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). Some people get so fixated on the truth component, that they speak the truth abrasively and harshly. Other people get so fixated on the love component, that they shrink back from declaring the truth at all; they just want to be nice. But we live by truth. It is “the word of Christ” that has saved us and made us clean. The goal, going back to Colossians 2:2-3, is to grow in depths of understanding, wisdom, and knowledge. In Colossians 1:9, Paul prayed that the church would “be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding” (Colossians 1:9).

Every member of the body has a vital role to play in helping the whole body remain tethered to truth. Remind one another of God’s promises. Share with someone else how God encouraged you from His Word. Tell a brother or sister what you appreciate about this sermon.

I got to experience this yesterday, because yesterday morning I sent our friend Pete DuBrule a short excerpt from the draft of my sermon, and Pete wanted to talk about it. First Pete talked with his wife Trish about what I had written. Then Pete called me and we chewed the theological fat for forty minutes. It wasn’t abstract or philosophical. It was about getting to the heart of things. He got my wheels turning, and I think it got his wheels turning, too. Do you see how practicable this is? The word of Christ is dwelling richly among Pete and Trish, and they’re turning it over in their conversation. The word of Christ is dwelling richly among Pete and me, and we’re turning it over in our conversation.

Multiply this by a thousand conversations, Bible studies, home groups, and family interactions over the course of a week, and so “the word of Christ” dwells richly in our community.

And by the way, don’t just speak the truth to one another. Learn to sing the truth to one another, not only during the worship service, but at all times. If you are one of those who are tempted to speak the truth harshly, make it a point to sing the truth to your brothers and sisters. Even if you sing badly, you probably won’t sing harshly, and that will constitute a major improvement! Sing the truth to one another in love!

SUMMARY AND QUESTION

Before we get to our fifth and final passage, let me summarize the message so far. We are to be a church community that is “knit together in love”. We are meant to be tightly connected to one another, that we might strengthen and support one another as members of Christ’s body. One way that we strengthen and support one another is by displaying concrete acts of love toward one another. Another way that we strengthen and support one another is by speaking and singing God’s truth to one another. All this is the God-appointed pathway “to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Colossians 2:2-3) More of Christ is revealed to us as we are walking in loving unity with our fellow believers.

There is a profound irony here. Some well-meaning people get to thinking that forming deep bonds with fellow believers who are too different (different in terms of culture, different in terms of life situation, different in terms of personality, different in terms of denomination, different in terms of theological understanding [and by that I’m not referring to the essentials of the gospel, but a hundred important doctrines about which genuine believers have disagreement] – some well-meaning people are tempted to think that forming attachments with such people will be an obstacle to growing in Christ. It isn’t. Forming deep bonds with fellow believers, period, no conditions, but cherishing and developing meaningful links with all those who truly belong to Christ, is the pathway to knowing Christ better.

So before I go on to the final passage, I want to ask you a simple question: Are you leaning in to relationships within the body of Christ? And specifically, are you leaning in to the actual Christians that God has put in front of you? Is it your earnest desire to form, preserve, and strengthen connections with your brothers and sisters? Do you cherish and develop meaningful links with all those who truly belong to Christ? Are you convinced that this path of love is the pathway to knowing Christ better? Or are you keeping your distance, keeping your cards close to your vest, hedging your bets, and choosing relational distance so that you don’t have to feel bound to other people? You may choose to play it safe, but consider yourself warned: playing it safe by keeping your distance is the sure way to remain stuck in immaturity.

THE FIFTH SCRIPTURAL TEXT

With that in mind, let me now share the final passage that I want you to see from Colossians. It is at the end of Paul’s letter. I’m not going to comment on it. I simply want you to see that Paul’s relational network of gospel workers and churches is modelling the very thing that we have been talking about in this sermon. As I read it, notice how these people matter to each other. Notice how these people interact with each other. Notice how these people communicate with one another, minister to each other, and receive from each other. Paul writes,

“Tychicus will tell you all about my activities. He is a beloved brother and faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord. I have sent him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are and that he may encourage your hearts, and with him Onesimus, our faithful and beloved brother, who is one of you. They will tell you of everything that has taken place here. 

“Aristarchus my fellow prisoner greets you, and Mark the cousin of Barnabas (concerning whom you have received instructions—if he comes to you, welcome him), and Jesus who is called Justus. These are the only men of the circumcision among my fellow workers for the kingdom of God, and they have been a comfort to me. Epaphras, who is one of you, a servant of Christ Jesus, greets you, always struggling on your behalf in his prayers, that you may stand mature and fully assured in all the will of God. For I bear him witness that he has worked hard for you and for those in Laodicea and in Hierapolis. Luke the beloved physician greets you, as does Demas. Give my greetings to the brothers at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church in her house. And when this letter has been read among you, have it also read in the church of the Laodiceans; and see that you also read the letter from Laodicea. And say to Archippus, “See that you fulfill the ministry that you have received in the Lord.” (Colossians 4:7-17)

ENDNOTES

[1] From the hymn “I Have Decided to Follow Jesus”