An Earnest Appeal to Preserve and Promote True Peace within the Body of Christ (Part 2)

AN EARNEST APPEAL TO PRESERVE AND PROMOTE TRUE PEACE WITHIN THE BODY OF CHRIST–PART 2

An Exposition of Ephesians 4:1-3

By Pastor Brian Wilbur

Date: January 21, 2024

Series: Peace in the Church

Note: Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

THE SCRIPTURAL TEXT

Holy Scripture says,

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3)

INTRODUCTION

“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.” (Colossians 3:15) God’s plan for us is that we be a unified body that is governed by His peace.

Last week I laid the foundation for this series by talking about why it is so important to preserve and promote true peace within the body of Christ. Now in the remainder of this series I want to discuss practical tactics that will help us to carry out our assigned task.

The first tactic is mutual forbearance: “bearing with one another” (v. 2). This is a preventative tactic: if we put this tactic into practice, then we will prevent relational conflict from happening in the first place. Lord-willing, next week’s sermon will discuss what to do when forbearance fails and conflict breaks forth.

THE FLOW OF THOUGHT IN EPHESIANS 4:1-3

I want to focus our attention primarily on verse 2, but first let’s see how this instruction fits into verses 1-3.

Paul a prisoner for the Lord

First, Paul begins by identifying himself as “I…, a prisoner for the Lord” (v. 1). He had said something similar earlier in Ephesians: “I, Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus on behalf of you Gentiles” (Ephesians 3:1). Paul was suffering for the Lord and for the people to whom he was writing (see Ephesians 3:14). Paul was suffering all kinds of trials, including imprisonment, in order to proclaim the gospel around the Mediterranean world and establish and strengthen churches. Paul’s attitude was to gladly spend himself and be spent for the well-being of God’s people. If a philosopher wrote you a letter while sipping lemonade in comfortable accommodations at a seaside resort, and set forth some abstract ideas for you to ponder, you might find his ideas interesting and you might ponder them with little sense of urgency. But when a man is placing himself at great risk and suffering intensely for a cause of ultimate importance, and he urges you to join him as a faithful partner in the same task that he is laying down his life for, you have to feel the urgency, priority, and necessity of heeding his direction. Jesus sacrificed Himself for the church (Ephesians 5:2), and now Paul as a faithful servant of Jesus is suffering for the church: therefore, pay attention and give heed!

Therefore

Second, Paul uses that key word “therefore”. Paul’s practical exhortations in Ephesians 4 flow out of his instruction in Ephesians 1-3, namely, that Christ is the Mediator of God’s eternal plan (Ephesians 1:3-10), He is the exalted King (Ephesians 1:20-22), we have been united to Him as His body (Ephesians 1:3-2:7), He is our peace (Ephesians 2:14), He shed His blood in order to bring about a unified people (Ephesians 2:14-17), we are “being built together” in Him (Ephesians 2:22), this unified body displays the wisdom of God (Ephesians 3:10), and God is actively working within us to make us strong together in Him for His glory (Ephesians 3:14-21). Thus we are not dealing with small matters but the most consequential reality in the universe: God’s redeeming work through Christ, resulting in a redeemed community of believers who are united to Christ and transformed by the Holy Spirit. The word “therefore” alerts us to the fact that we must live in the light of what God has done.

I urge you

Third, Paul says “I… urge you”. Paul is not making a suggestion, but is pressing the truth upon his hearers, that they would actually conduct their lives in a way that reflects the reality of the gospel.

The worthy walk

Fourth, Paul specifically urges Christians “to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” The actual life that Christians live should correspond to the holy calling that God has placed upon them. If you put our everyday walk on one side, and the calling to which you have been called on the other side, those two things should correspond: the calling should shape your walk, the truth should shape your life, God’s big picture reality should shape your everyday decisions, priorities, and relationships.

The calling/hope to which you have been called

An important question that arises from verse 1 is: what is “the calling”? What is “the calling to which you have been called”? In the context of Ephesians 1-4, it is apparent that “the calling to which you have been called” refers to the bright future that God has promised to His people. We know this because of the key word “hope” that occurs in Ephesians 1:18 and Ephesians 4:4. In Ephesians 1:18, Paul prays “that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints” (Ephesians 1:18). Then in Ephesians 4:4 Paul writes, “There is one body and one Spirit – just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call – one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” (Ephesians 4:4-6) Notice the two phrases: “the hope to which he has called you” (Ephesians 1:18) and “you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call” (Ephesians 4:4). So, “the calling to which you have been called” is the one hope to which you have been called. In the New Testament, the word hope refers to our confident expectation of what God is going to do in the future in fulfillment of His promises. To be outside of Christ is to be without hope. Paul reminds the Gentile Christians of their pre-Christian condition: “remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.” (Ephesians 2:12) No hope. No bright future. No confident expectation of the glory to come. Only hopelessness and a slow fade to final ruin.

But when we “hope in Christ” (Ephesians 1:12), God’s bright future descends upon us: we taste it now, and we anticipate the fullness of what is coming. Together as God’s redeemed people, we are looking forward to a glorious inheritance (Ephesians 1:14, 18). “[In the ages to come” God is going to “show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:7). The holy temple that is now “being built together into a dwelling place for God” (Ephesians 2:22) will be complete. The day will come when “we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13). On that glorious future “day of redemption” (Ephesians 4:30), the Lord will “present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing” (Ephesians 5:27). We will “receive back from the Lord” an abundance for all the good that we have done here (Ephesians 6:8). God will be glorified “in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:21) That is our bright and glorious future, and it is a future promised to us together as God’s people. To have this hope, and to not let it shape the way that you live today, is insanity.

Adrian and Abby have a confident expectation of getting married in a few months, and that is shaping their conduct today. Some young people here have a confident expectation of graduating from high school in the near future, and that is shaping their conduct today. The Praise Team had a confident expectation of sharing three songs with us this morning, and that shaped their conduct on Thursday as they prepared for it. If the confident expectation of lesser things shapes our conduct, how much more should our confident expectation of the bright future that God has promised shape our decisions, priorities, and relationships today!

Brothers and sisters, we are going to be glorified together with Christ on the future day of redemption! All blemishes, spots, and wrinkles will be gone forever, and we will resemble our perfect Lord! Since these things are so, we ought to live now in light of this glory to come! Every failure to exhibit love, every failure to maintain peace, every failure to edify the body of Christ, represents an imperfection that needs to be burned away in the brightness of God’s holy love. The New Testament doesn’t say to be complacent in your imperfections while you wait for future glory. Instead, the New Testament says to anticipate future glory by making progress and pressing closer to perfection today. Further, this hope to which we have been called is “the one hope that belongs to [our] call” (Ephesians 4:4). We’re in this “one hope” together. It is a hope that we share. As an athletic team or drama company works hard together in preparation for the big day of competition or performance when they shall realize their hope together on the same stage, so we must work hard together in preparation for the future day of glory when the whole body of Christ will be glorified together. Walking in a manner worthy of this one and blessed hope that we share together as believers means many things, but it especially means letting this one and blessed hope shape the quality of our relationships, which is why we are so quickly instructed to be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” We are to be deeply motivated to preserve peace within the body of Christ in view of the wonderful promise that one day, the one body of Christ will be glorified with her one Lord.

The Priority of Relationships

So, after urging us to live worthily of our high calling, Paul immediately moves into the realm of relationships within the body of Christ. This shows us very clearly that preserving and pursuing healthy relationships within the body of Christ is a key feature of the worthy walk – a primary characteristic of the Christian life. The overarching action that is urged upon us in verses 1-6 is found in verse 3: that we be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” The words “eager to” or being diligent constitute action, but it is obviously an action that is rooted in the heart. Paul is not highlighting an external activity, but an internal urgency, a heartfelt motivation, a deep desire of the soul. Then the word “maintain” or keep or guard is also a verb that denotes action. So, the underlying motivation is to have an eagerness within your own heart to do whatever is necessary to safeguard peace among God’s people, and the obvious implication is that someone who is eager to do this will, in fact, demonstrate this eagerness in practical actions that safeguard peace among God’s people. One of these practical actions that safeguards peace among God’s people is highlighted in verse 2: “bearing with one another” that is accompanied by four indispensable attitudes.

BEARING WITH ONE ANOTHER

Let’s start with the concept itself, which is given toward the end of verse 2: “bearing with one another”. Bear with one another, put up with one another, endure with or persevere with one another, tolerate one another. Paul uses this same word in 1 Corinthians 4:12 to describe his response to persecution: “when persecuted, we endure”. Similarly, he calls attention to the fact that the Thessalonians are enduring afflictions (2 Thessalonians 1:4). So, we can see that having to bear with or endure something implies that the something represents a burden or pressure or stressor upon us. Paul uses the same word to describe ungodly people who “will not endure sound teaching” (2 Timothy 4:3). Sound teaching makes demands: it reproves, rebukes, corrects, and exhorts. Instead of gladly enduring the demands of God’s Word, some people just want their ears tickled, their passions affirmed, their sins coddled.

Just as persecution or affliction places a pressure upon you, and just as sound teaching places a pressure upon you, so people place a pressure upon you. In the instruction to bear with or endure one another, the point is that other people constitute a burden, a pressure, a stressor. It is good to be straightforwardly honest about this fact, and not pretend that relationships are easy. Relationships would be easy if everyone was perfect, but that is not the situation in which we find ourselves. Imperfect people attempting to negotiate life with other imperfect people involves many challenges. Within the body of Christ, people differ from one another. People differ from one another in terms of their cultural background. People differ from one another in terms of their gifting, their role within the body. People differ from one another in terms of their perspective on specific issues. People differ from one another in terms of their personality, temperament, habits, past experiences and present expectations. People differ from one another in terms of their weaknesses and the temptations to which they are most vulnerable. Most importantly, all of those differences have to be faced and processed within the context of sinfulness: I am prone to sin and poor judgment, and you are prone to sin and poor judgment, and our proneness to sin combined with all the differences between us can make for some very interesting inter-personal dynamics and relational pressures. Don’t wish that everyone was like you or that everyone thought exactly like you, for that would make things very boring.

Now the mere act of forbearance is not a distinctly Christian action. The fact of the matter is that unbelievers display a measure of forbearance in many different situations. Anytime you get a group of people together, whether it is a family or co-workers or teammates or members of the orchestra, the only chance of any long-term success is that the people in the group put up with one another. And often they do. This is why a non-Christian family can still experience some real blessings, why co-workers can build good products, why teammates can succeed at winning a championship, why members of the orchestra can deliver an outstanding performance. They endured with each other.

However, what we Christians are summoned to in Ephesians 4:2 is not the mere act of forbearance. Worldly people can put up with others for selfish, utilitarian or commonsense reasons, but we are instructed to have our forbearance characterized by four gracious attitudes. That these attitudes and dispositions are essential to “bearing with one another” and eagerly “[maintaining] the unity of the Spirit” is evident by calling attention to what the opposite would look like: with all pride and roughness, with impatience, dismissing one another in hate, eager to break the unity of the Spirit in the shattering of hostility. No churchgoing person will advocate for that, but how easily we play the part! Let’s do better by giving ourselves to the prescribed attitudes.

Humility

First, humility: “with all humility”, with all lowliness of mind. Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” You cannot graciously endure your fellow Christians and diligently maintain the unity of the Spirit when you regard yourself and your ambitions and your self-importance and your honor as the most important thing. C. S. Lewis said, “Pride… is the complete anti-God state of mind.” It is also the complete anti-church state of mind. Who do you think you are? As a Christian, you are the recipient of exceedingly marvelous grace. No thanks to you, God has blessed you in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3). No thanks to you, God has lavished plentiful redemption and blood-bought forgiveness and the riches of His grace upon you (Ephesians 1:7-8). No thanks to you, you have obtained an everlasting inheritance in Christ and you were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:11-14). The only thing that you contributed to your salvation is the sin from which you needed to be saved! You were dead in sin, enslaved to sinful passions, enchanted by the world, entrapped by the devil, and destined for hell, but God in sheer grace made you alive and raised you up and seated you with Christ in the heavenly places (Ephesians 2:1-6). No thanks to you, you “have access in one Spirit to the Father” through Christ (Ephesians 2:18). No thanks to you, you are member of God’s family (Ephesians 2:19) and a partaker “of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel” (Ephesians 3:6). You have everything, and that by God’s mercy and not by your own merit. Knowing this exceedingly marvelous grace doesn’t make a person proud. It makes you humble. It makes you lowly of mind. It makes you glad to see God pour out His exceedingly marvelous grace upon other people, who are as undeserving of grace as you are. And when you realize that God Himself is the One who is bestowing grace upon sinners and bringing them into His family, what can you do except to have a humble regard for the works of the Lord? My fellow Christian was chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4), my fellow Christian has been brought near to God by the blood of Christ (Ephesians 2:13), my fellow Christian has been incorporated into God’s holy temple (Ephesians 2:21) – how can I possibly look askance at my brother or sister, how can I look down upon him or her, how can I treat my fellow Christian with contempt? With all humility, bear with one another!

Gentleness

Second, gentleness: “with all… gentleness”, with all meekness. If you have a humble frame of mind that holds your fellow believers in high regard, then you will treat them with gentleness and handle them with care. It is often said that gentleness and meekness shouldn’t be confused with weakness, and this is quite true. A weak person doesn’t have any power to leverage, but a strong person does have power to leverage (it could be the power of intelligence, or the power of a quick wit, or the power of influence, or the power of wealth, or the power of official authority, or the power of physical strength). Whereas proud people leverage their power for their own selfish benefit (which often means stepping on people, running over people, using people, disregarding people), humble people operate with restraint because their priority is to bless and build up and honor and protect their fellow Christians. Humble believers are not like a bull in a China shop. They are gentle and meek, considerate and kind, restrained and self-controlled. Their disposition is not to lord it over others or put others down, but to serve others and lift others up.

To cultivate this attitude, it is helpful to remember that “we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works” (Ephesians 2:10). Your brothers and sisters are God’s workmanship, God’s handiwork, God’s achievement. It may help to think of your brother or sister as being in God’s workshop. God is actively working on your brothers and sisters, sanctifying them, molding them, stretching them, shaping them, developing them into a faithful image-bearer of Christ. Then you come along with your critical comments, your dismissive attitudes, your rough manner, but it is very out of place. God delights in your brothers and sisters even as He takes the chisel to remove another blemish from their life. You should see a sign over every fellow believer that says: God’s Handiwork; Sanctification in Process; Handle with Care. The only sensible response to that is: “with all humility and gentleness…, bearing with one another”.

Patience

Third, patience: “with patience”, with long-suffering. If the emphasis of humility is to hold your brothers and sisters in high regard, and if the emphasis of gentleness is to treat them with great care, then the emphasis of patience is to not be easily provoked by their imperfections and flaws. One commentator says that long-suffering “implies perseverance under provocation”[1] – and in Ephesians 4:2 we’re talking about provocation from fellow believers.

Now people may fool themselves into thinking that they have patience at the beginning of the day before any relational turbulence has surfaced, but how often does that first disturbance prove that you have no patience at all! You felt patient until patience was required! Feeling serene on a quiet winter morning with coffee in hand and a warm blanket over you in your comfy chair is not the same thing as being truly patient in the face of people who are troubling you, shouting at you, disrespecting you, ignoring you, opposing you, and disappointing you. To be patient is to not be irritable, not be easily angered, not be easily frustrated. Patient people maintain their equilibrium amid the relational chaos! They are slow to anger! Patient people do not have a short fuse. They have a very long fuse; they are able to suffer long with people.

We must remember the perfect patience of their Lord:

“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.” (1 Timothy 1:15-16)

“The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” (Exodus 34:6-7).

We must remember that God is patiently at work in His workshop, as it were, sanctifying His people.

If God is so patient with my brothers and sisters, why should I be impatient with them? If God is not finished with my brothers and sisters, how can I ever say ‘I’m done with them’? If God hasn’t written you off, who am I to write you off? If God hasn’t abandoned His church, why should I? If God, who is perfectly holy and who has exhaustive knowledge of your sinful attitudes and sinful actions throughout your entire life, patiently bears with you and upholds you and loves you, then how in the world can I, a fellow sinner who has only seen a few snapshots of your sin, refuse to show you patience and kindness?

It might help you to cultivate patience if you took to heart this quote attributed to C. S. Lewis: “Don’t judge a man by where he is, because you don’t know how far he has come.” How easily we entertain critical thoughts toward a brother or sister because of some annoyance or failure or bad habit, and yet we are ignorant of the fact that this brother or sister has grown tremendously in the Lord over the course of several years. For some strange reason, you want to focus on the visible flaws that remain. Why? We ought to see our brothers and sisters through the lens of redemption: in Christ they are chosen, holy, and dearly loved, clothed in the righteousness of Christ and indwelt by the Spirit of God. Don’t have a critical eye for the imperfections that remain; instead have a grateful eye for the progress already made. And if you don’t know about this progress that has taken place in your brothers and sisters, then you must get to know them! Get to know them so that you can process their visible flaws in the context of the larger story of God’s grace at work in their lives. They are not nearly as flawed as they would be if the gospel hadn’t captured their heart!

In Ephesians 4:2, the attitude of patience is closely tied to the action of bearing with one another. In fact, patience could be rendered forbearance: with forbearance, bearing with one another. Or to put it another way: with patience, having patience with one another. That’s the idea. Do not be easily provoked by their imperfections and flaws, but instead make a lot of room for them: make a lot of room for your fellow believers and their flaws, mishaps, offending actions.

Love

Now in talking about humility, gentleness, and patience, we’re really talking about different aspects of love, aren’t we? The final attitude or disposition that Paul mentions in verse 2 is love: “bearing with one another in love”. “[Bearing] with one another is what we must do, and “in love” is how we must do it. Think about the strong connection between the other three attitudes in Ephesians 4:2 and the description of love in 1 Corinthians 13 [I’ve put the related terms from Ephesians 4:2 in brackets after the words from 1 Corinthians 13]:

“Love is patient and kind [patience, gentleness]; love does not envy or boast [gentleness, humility]; it is not arrogant or rude [humility, gentleness]. It does not insist on its own way [humility, gentleness]; it is not irritable or resentful [patience].” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Love holds others in high regard, treats them with great care, and is slow to take offense. “Love bears all things” and “endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

It is the context of Ephesians 1-4, however, that gives us the most important foundation regarding love. In Ephesians 1: “In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 1:4-5). Our entire existence as Christians is anchored in divine love that stretches back into eternity. This means, of course, that God’s love was upon us while we were in the thick darkness of our sin, as it says in Ephesians 2:

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ–by grace you have been saved–and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 2:4-7)

Rich in mercy. Great love. Grace and kindness. God’s love for His people stretches back into eternity, and then in time God – with great love toward us – reaches down and rescues us out of the depths of our sin and raises us up to the heights of heaven, and His loving design toward us stretches into the eternal future where we will enjoy unspeakable displays of grace forever. The heartbeat of the Christian life is to grasp this incomparable love of God, and so in Ephesians 3 Paul prays that we would increasingly get it:

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his gory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith–that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:14-19)

The bottom line reality in the instruction to “[bear] with one another in love” is not what our love does (though it does a great deal), but “to know the love of Christ” which is underneath all of the instruction.

Do you know this love of Christ? We can wax eloquent about the virtues of humility, gentleness, and patience. We can ponder the benefit of bearing with one another and its role in preserving peace within the body. We can talk about the value of being unified in the Spirit. We can think it fitting to honor each other. All good things in their place. But we will barely get off the ground if we don’t grasp the love of God in Christ. The goodwill by which we bear with others is dependent on receiving God’s goodwill toward us:

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 4:32-5:1)

In the words of one hymn:

“The love of God is greater far / Than tongue or pen can ever tell,

It goes beyond the highest star / And reaches to the lowest hell;

The guilty pair, bowed down with care, God gave His Son to win:

His erring child He reconciled / And pardoned from his sin.”[2]

In the words of the song we sang before the sermon:

“I will not boast in wealth or might, Or human wisdom’s fleeting light,

But I will boast in knowing Christ at the cross.”

“Two wonders here that I confess: My worth and my unworthiness,

My value fixed, my ransom paid at the cross.”[3]

Christ is the One who did not consider His high position – His equality with the Father – something to be used for His own advantage, but rather in great love He left the comforts and glories of heaven in order to dwell among sinners on earth. He humbled Himself, taking on the form of a human servant, living in obedience to the Father, serving His people, and at last suffering the shame of the cross to win us back to the Father (see Philippians 2:5-11). He offered up His body to be broken, so that we would have peace with God and be participants in His kingdom of peace. Is it too much to ask that we gladly put up with the other imperfect recipients of His grace? If this seems like too much to us, then our perspective is warped and we must return to the message of the cross, which shows us that Jesus is the embodiment of love and patience, gentleness and humility.

Learn “all humility and gentleness” from the humble and gentle Lord Jesus Christ, and you will learn that it is difficult to be offended and provoked when one is truly humble. For one thing, if I am humble and have a lowly mind, then I am small in my own eyes and I am not super impressed with myself and I don’t have an ego trip and I see myself as a servant of others. With such an attitude, it is hard to be offended or humiliated, because I already occupy a low position in my own mind (so how can others cut me down?), and from that low position I am glad to serve others, bear with others, and elevate others. Furthermore, this humility and lowliness of mind is not the same thing as having a negative self-image. The humble believer knows that in Christ he occupies a high position: chosen, holy, dearly loved, seated with Christ, destined for glory. Clothed in such privilege, others cannot undermine your confidence and joy. Thus secure in Christ, you are able to stand firm in the gospel and exhibit gentleness, patience, and goodwill toward people who rub you the wrong way.

FINAL EXHORTATIONS

Brothers and sisters, bear with one another in love. Do not bear with one another with resentment, with criticism, with frustration, with qualifying conditions, with a mental scorecard. That would be fleshly forbearance. That is not the way of Christ. You must bear with one another in love.

Bearing with one another in love will mean that you are not running your mouth telling other people about how much you’re putting up with. The patient believer who endures much speaks very little of what he is enduring. The Lord knows, and will reward generously, and that is enough. Humbly, gently, and patiently bearing with others in love will mostly be done quietly and contentedly, between you and the Lord. Self-congratulation and self-pity are totally out of place. You gladly forbear as a matter of course, because it is the Lord Christ whom you are following.

Bearing with one another in love will mean bearing with those who aren’t good at bearing with others in love. You will be tempted to think this is not fair, but fairness is beside the point. There is nothing fair about abundant mercy, rich grace, and great love. Learn to glory in the unfairness of it all! If you’d like to be part of a community that is eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace, don’t wait for someone else to start. You start. You obey Christ. Demonstrate humility to those who seem proud; demonstrate gentleness to those who seem inflexible; demonstrate patience to those who seem ill-tempered; demonstrate love to those who seem to have such little love to give; such people are in real need of you putting up with them. Do this, and in love. Be glad to put up with fellow Christians for Jesus’ sake.

Finally, bearing with one another in love will mean praying for those who get on your nerves. Just imagine that those people who get on your nerves inspired a lot of conversation – not between you and other people, not between you and them, but between you and the Lord. They could use the prayer, and you could use the praying. Someone once made the point that we shouldn’t be like the devil who accuses the brethren, but instead we should be like Jesus who intercedes for the brethren. And if He is interceding for them, why shouldn’t I? As Don Carson said of his father: “He was not very good at putting people down, except on his prayer lists.”[4]

ENDNOTES

[1] F. F. Bruce, The Epistles to the Colossians, to Philemon, and to the Ephesians (The New International Commentary on the New Testament). Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1984: p. 154 (in footnote 133).

[2] From the hymn “The Love of God” by Frederick M. Lehman.

[3] From the hymn “My Worth Is Not in What I Own” by Keith Getty, Kristyn Getty and Graham Kendrick (copyright: Make Way Music, Getty Music, 2014).

[4] D. A. Carson, Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor: The Life and Reflections of Tom Carson. Wheaton: Crossway, 2008: p. 148.